Book I am reading: A Clash of Kings
Chapters: Tyrion VII, Arya VII, Catelyn
Booze in my flagon: Malbec
Cersei has Tyrion awakened by cousin Lancel in the middle of night. Tyrion figures she thinks his wits might be slower, but he’s an insomniac so it he’s used to thinking while tired. Not that it takes much to outwit Cersei. Everyone but Ned can do it. Lancel via Cersei wants Tyrion to release Pycelle. Lancel tries to be intimidating but it doesn’t really work and Tyrion accuses him of having an affair with Cersei. Lancel is a giant wuss. He folds and admits to participating in the death of Robert and doing Cersei.
Pretty soon, Lancel is begging for mercy and pledges to spy for Tyrion. Tyrion tells him he’ll release and advises Lancel not to knock Cersei up.
Feeling drunk on awesomeness, Tyrion has Bronn take to see Shae. Her guard is an ugly man with a hare lip and a lazy eye because Tyrion doesn’t want any hotties hanging around Shae. He wakes up Shae with oral sex and thinks about great his life going and how powerful he is. I’m sure that will last.
Arya has settled in to life as a serving girl in Harrenhal. Compared to hanging out with The Mountain it doesn’t seem to bad. Hot Pie gets to work in the kitchens because fatty love cake amirite?! Gendry was sent to the forge. Tywin is there but she never gets anywhere near him. Her boss, Weese is a huge asshole who has his dog maul servants that piss him off. This earns him a place in Arya’s prayers.
A couple weeks later a group of mercenaries called the Bloody Mummers by others and the Brave Companions by themselves arrives at Harrenhal. They’re a variety of nationalities and they’re led by Vargo Hoat. He has a lisp. They’re a troublesome lot and fights break out between them and the Lannisters their very first night. Luckily, they soon leave but not before Arya hears them speak about Robb being at Riverrun. Now she knows he’s close.
There are also hostages from the north who have freedom of the castle. One of them is Lord Cerwyn. She doesn’t know the other two. She thinks Cerwyn might remember and help her, but he was injured and dies before she can talk to him.
On yet another day, she sees Amory Lorch. Rorge, Biter and Jaqen H’ghar are working for him. That pisses her off and she starts to wish she let them die. That night, Arya is having a wolf dream when Jaqen wakes her up. He leads her into the cellar. Hopefully this won’t turn into a Lifetime movie about sexual predators…
Nope! He just wants to tell Arya that he owes her a debt. Since she saved three lives he will kill three people of her choosing. Only death pays for life. You would think it would be appropriate for him to save three lives at her behest, but hey, this is Westeros. Even help is dark and nefarious. She thinks it over and decides it might be more practical to get someone in the vicinity than someone in King’s Landing.
The next morning, Weese threatens to cut out Arya’s tongue and then he twists her ear. Bad move buddy! Her resentment is building but she remembers her fathers policy of killing those that wrong him himself and Arya decides it isn’t right to have someone else kill people for her. Arya would make a terrible politician.
Weese has Arya serve some of the Mountain’s men. She hears Chiswyck tell an oh so hilarious story about gang raping a brewer’s thirteen year old daughter. Ew. That was too much for her ethics so she whispered “Chiswyck” in Jaqen’s ear. Three days later he is dead. Supposedly from a fall.
Catelyn is headed to a spot near Stannis’ camp just outside of Storm’s End. Renly is on his way as way as well. Cat is going to attempt to negotiate a peace deal between the two feuding brothers. Stannis arrives first bearing his new standard, the Baratheon stag inside the firey heart of R’hllor. With him is Melisandre. He promises justice for Ned’s death, but not before complaining about he should have been hand instead. Seems like a blessing not to have been the hand since they tend to get murdered, but OK. He tells her that he will return her daughters once he takes King’s Landing, but he needs Renly’s men to be on his side first.
Renly soon arrives. He is jaunty and flip and teases Stannis about how nobody wants to be king. Catelyn scolds them for squabbling instead of uniting to fight the Lannisters, but they have zero fucks to give about Baratheon unity. She points out that they are both traitors to the crown, so what difference does it make who the older brother is. Stannis fills her in about Joffrey’s bastardy. This is the first she’s heard of it. Renly doesn’t seem to believe Joffrey is a bastard, or he pretends not to.
Stannis ground his teeth.
Renly took out a peach and started eating it.
Things get even more heated and they almost come to blows. Stannis gives Renly the night to change his mind and surrender. Renly laughs him off because he has the bigger army. They agree to meet at sunrise.
Deaths in this recap: 2. Cerwyn who I didn’t know and Chiswyck who I didn’t like.
Cumulative deaths: 45
Maybe deaths in this recap: 0
Cumulative maybe deaths: 1
Betrayals in this recap: 0
Cumulative betrayals: 12
Incest incidents: 21
Cumulative incests: 25