Gossip Girl

Book I am reading:  A Clash of Kings

Chapters:  Tyrion IV, Sansa II, Arya V

Booze in my flagon:  Pinot Grigio

 

Tyrion IV

  Tyrion is meeting with Pycelle.  He has Pycelle send a letter to the prince of Dorne, Doran Martell.  Dorne is the southernmost part of Westeros.  There is a lot of dessert and mountains making them difficult to control by force.  It’s too hard for armies to invade.  They remained an independent kingdom for a long time after Aegon’s conquest.  They at last came into the realm via a marriage alliance with the Targaryens.  They have yet to take a side in the current secession dispute.

  While Pycelle is off sending the raven, Tyrion snoops in Pycelle’s bottles of poison and steals one.  Which one we are not told.  After the meeting Tyrion rejoins Bronn.  Bronn tells him that a moneylender from the Iron Bank of Braavos has asked after Tyrion.  The crown owes the Iron Bank a buttload of money.  Tyrion brushes it off.  That can’t possibly be a bad idea that will come back to bite the Lannisters later.

  Bronn also informs Tyrion that the peasants are getting restless.  The Tyrells and Renly have cut off food supplies from the reach and food is getting hard to come by.  He also mentions that Alliser Thorne has arrived.  He decides to let him sweat it out for awhile because he doesn’t like Alliser.  It kind of reminds me of the Wizard of Oz.  The book of course.

  On the way back home Tyrion runs into Cersei and her assorted minions.  She gets all up on his jock about what she perceives as his lack of concern for security of the city.  She’s also peeved that he hasn’t figured out to get Jaime back.  She calls him useless and storms off.  Tyrion is more worried out about Stannis than Renly.  Varys has been getting no intelligence from Dragonstone.

  He arrives home to find Littlefinger lounging villainously in his solar.  He’s watching Joffrey try to shoot rabbits with his crossbow and failing miserably.  Because Joffrey is bad at everything and sucks forever.  LF is flaunting the dagger used in Bran’s murder attempt.  Tyrion can’t do anything to LF at the moment because they need his money making prowess.  LF knows it so he’s acting like a shit about it.  Tyrion tells LF he wants him to persuade Lysa Arryn to swear fealty to Joffrey and pledge her swords in exchange for a marriage pact between Robert Arryn and Myrcella.  Poor Myrcella!  For this service, LF will get Harrenhal.  Littlefinger agrees to the plan.

  The next visitor a few hours later is Varys.  Varys knows about the raven to Dorne and the plan to wed Myrcella to Robert Arryn already.  So creepy.  He’s pretty much the gossip girl of Westeros. He tells Varys he plans to send Tommen away to Dorne.  He asks him not to tell Cersei about of this stuff.

 

Sansa II

 Sansa finds a mysterious note under her pillow.  It says Come to the godswood tonight, if you want to go home.  She is hopeful that it is someone who really wants to help her.  She is however afraid that it’s a set up by Joffrey.  She angered him by saying that she hopes the Others take Janos Slynt.  He had Meryn Trant punch her a mailed fist.  A mailed fist!  I don’t even know what to say about that.  Rage stroke!  That’s about all I can muster.

  She is scared, but sneaks out anyway.  Before reaching the godswood she runs into the same black cat Arya was chasing before.  File that away under possibly important.  In the wood she discovers that the note sender is Ser Dontos.  The drunk guy she saved at the tourney.  He’s drunk yet again.  Sansa is understandably creeped out.  No adolescent girl wants to be alone in the woods with a drunk adult man.  At least I hope not.

  He does manage to convince her that he wasn’t sent by anyone and truly means to help her.  He claims he can sneak her out and get her on a ship.  But not now.  When the time is right.  They agree to meet at the same place often.

  Speaking of creepy dudes, when Sansa is on her back to her chambers she runs into the Hound.  He’s drunk too.  She tells him she was praying in the godswood.  He has his suspicions that she is lying and calls her a stupid little bird.  Why SanSan is such a popular fan ship is beyond me.  He escorts her home and informs her that he will have a song from her whether she likes it or not.  I swear.  Every Sansa chapter reminds me of when I was her age and would get catcalls from creepy ass adult men.

 

Arya V

  Arya climbs up a tree to recon a nearby village.  She sees smoke coming from a chimney.  All the other villages they have come across lately have been abandoned.  We flash back to the morning after Lorch’s attack.  Apparently Kurz was one of the survivors and I falsely called him dead last time.  He does die from an infected wound a couple of days later so I won’t bother to edit the previous post.

  Anyways, the remaining survivors are starting to get hungry.  They are living off of berries and acorn paste.  Arya even eats bugs.  The other two adult survivors Tarber and Cutjack ditch Arya, Gendry, Hot Pie, Lommy and Weasel.  How nice.  Back in the present they are debating whether or not to go to the village.  Arya and Gendy are suspicious.  Hot Pie wants to go in hopes of getting fed.  Lommy wants to yield because he thinks that’s the key to not getting killed.  Oh Lommy.  Lommy has a hurt leg from the battle.  Gendry and Arya decide they will sneak into the village when it gets dark.

  When they are walking through the woods Gendry says he thinks Lommy will die.  His wound stinks.  Presumably of gangrene.  This shouldn’t be funny but it makes me think Lommy Gangrene Hands since Lommy is called Lommy Greenhands.  Gendry also reveals that he has figured out that Arya is a girl.  She decides to trust him and admit that she is Arya Stark.  Gendry is all cutely embarrassed that he was rude and crude with a lady to be.

  When they get near the village that ever present rotting corpse scent whaffs into their nostrils.

Gag Me

  Corpse stank can’t be a great sign.  They split up to approach the village from different angles.  When Arya gets closer, they see that there is a bunch of corpses hanging by the lake.  They are in various stages of eaten by crows.  People shouldn’t read these books while eating should they?  The flag hanging up in the village looks like the Lannister crimson.

  Arya sees a captive being dragged into the village by Lannister men.  It’s Gendry.  Of course it is.  After observing for hours she doesn’t see a good rescue opportunity so she goes to fetch Hot Pie and Lommy.  Lommy is still useless and only wants to yield so she takes Hot Pie back to the village.

  They get caught of course.  HP shouts “I yield!”  Of course.  They get captured and the men take Needle.  Those bastards.  Arya recognizes Gregor Clegane and know for sure they are in some deep shit.  They go back to Lommy.  Weasel has run away.  One of the Mountain’s men asks them where Dondarrion is.  They have no clue what he is talking about.  They inquire about Lommy’s leg.  He says that it is hurt and he will need to be carried to the village.  Oh Lommy!  The man unceremoniously stabs him in the throat.

 

Deaths in this recap:  1.  Poor dumb Lommy

Cumulative deaths: 43

Maybe deaths in this recap:  0

Cumulative maybe deaths:  1

Betrayals in this recap: 1.  Tobbar and Cutjack abandoned the kids count in my opinion.

Cumulative betrayals: 11

Incest incidents: 0 

Cumulative incests: 6

 

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