Fire! Fire! Heh, heh, cool

Book I am reading: AGOT the conclusion!

Chapters: Jon X, Catelyn XI, Daenerys X

Booze in my flagon:  Vodka and diet Sunkist (better than it sounds)

 

Jon X

  Jon decides to run away from home.  Sam is begging him not to go because he’s worried that he’ll end up like Mark Paul Gosselar in that 1990’s TV movie about teen runaways.  Or get beheaded by the NW.  But Jon is determined to go join Robb and avenge Ned.  Jon gets pretty far, past Mole’s town where the underground brothel is.  Eventually though he realizes Ghost is no longer keeping up with his horse.  He calls for Ghost and waits a half hour for him to return.

  After awhile, Jon hears the sounds of horses coming from the north.  It’s Grenn, Pyp, Toad, and Halder.  Jon tries to hide but Ghost bounds up to them and gives him away.  Jon refuses to go back with them, but they surround him and chant the NW vow at him.  He surrenders and makes plans to leave at some other time.

  The next morning, LC Mormont lets Jon know he knows about the desertation attempt.  Aemon apparently got super perception powers to compensate for his blindness and warned Mormont he would try it.  Maybe not super perception.  Maybe it’s just that emo guys think they’re far more mysterious than they really are.  Mormont has also worked out that Jon wants to run away at some other time.  He points out that Jon is being really self centered.  He isn’t that amazing of a warrior and Mormont’s own sister Maege is probably marching off to war with Robb. 

  Finally, Mormont points out that the war against Mance Rayder and his wilding army and the Others is more important.  Jon and Ghost are needed to go on a hug ranging beyond the Wall to look for Benjen and all the missing rangers.  Jon decides to get his shit together and he promises not to run off again.

 

Catelyn XI

  Catelyn, Robb, et al have reached Riverrun.  Cat’s younger brother Edmure and a Tully bannerman who helped capture Jaime named Tytos Blackwood are there to greet them.  Cat is told that her father Hoster is bedridden and dying.  She is pissed that nobody told her what was going on, but Hoster wanted it kept secret that he was ill so the Tullys didn’t look too weak.

  Cat and Edmure go to visit Hoster in his bedchamber.  He looks very frail and ill.  She tells him that they freed Riverrun and captured Jaime.  He wants to see Robb for the first time since he was a baby, but he’s less thrilled about seeing Blackfish.  Blackfish still refuses to marry and there is tension between the two.  Oh, Hoster.  Blackfish doesn’t want a wife.  He was born this way.  You can’t change it.  First though, he wants to nap.

  Cat goes down to the godswood where Robb is brooding.  Just like daddy used to.  He’s praying with the other lords (and Maege Mormont) who keep the old gods.  When Robb is done he shares with her the new that Renly has made a claim for the IT.

  Later, they convene a war council.  They argue over whether to support Stannis, Renly or to kill Joffrey and let Tommen, who isn’t evil succeed him.  Catelyn wants to offer peace terms.  However, all the dudebros would rather have vengeance.  They declare that they will never call a Lannister their king.  Greatjon Umber stands up and bellows that he will only bow to one king.  Robb.  The King in the North.  He wants the north to be independent again.  The other lords agree.  They chant “the King in the North!”

  And don’t you forget it!

 

Daenerys X

  Dany is having a pyre built.  She intends to burn Mirri Maz Duur.  Mirri calls her an ignorant ho for trying to mess with bloodmagic.  She isn’t trying to hear that and she has Jhogo whip her.  Dany’s future bloodriders are piling all of Drogo’s possessions on the pyre.

  Jorah is also trying to stop her.  Dany only cares that he had the gall to call her princess.  Now that Viserys is dead, she’s his motherfucking queen!  She tells him not to worry about her burning.  She knows what she’s doing.

  Dany gathers all the people that are left.  She tells the slaves that they are free to leave or to follow her.  She tries to get Jhogo, Aggo and Rakharo to become bloodriders but they don’t want a girl for a boss.  She names Jorah her queensguard and he gives her an oath of fealty.

  To get ready for the funeral pyre Dany takes a scalding bath.  I don’t know why because the fire is going to burn off anything germy on her body anyway.  Her handmaidens dress her.  Once again she has crotch perfume dabbed on her.  Again I ask, is this an actual thing or does GRRM have some sort of fetish for scented labia?  Anyways, she takes it upon herself to dress Drogo up and braid his hair.

  Finally it is time.  Drogo is carried to the pyre.  Dany also puts the dragons eggs on the pyre.  Jorah is against it of course.  Dany doesn’t care, of course.  Lastly, Mirri is put on the pyre and covered in oil.  Mirri says she will not scream.

  As they are about to light the pyre, Jhogo spots a red comet in the sky.  Dany interprets it at as a strong sign.  They light the fire.  Mirri sings and then starts to scream.  It reaches Drogo and then the pyre gets so hot everyone else is driven back.  Dany however “stands her ground.”  Like George Zimmerman?

  Dany is overtaken with the urge to step into the fire.  Her clothes are burning, but she somehow isn’t.  She stays in the fire until it dies off.  She isn’t burned at all.  Her dragon eggs have hatched.  There is a cream/gold dragon and a green/bronze dragon at each breast and a black/red one around her shoulders.

  Everybody is freaking out, but in a good way.  Everyone who stuck around is now a loyal follower of the mother of dragons.

Beavis would certainly follow her!

A Game of Thrones ends with the sound of dragons crying for the first time in hundreds of years.

 

At last!  This book took awhile to recap and I’m pretty sure it’s the shortest one.  I look forward to starting A Clash of Kings in a few days, or maybe tomorrow if I feel like drinking and blogging while I’m home sick with a cold.  It only gets crazier from here.

 

Deaths in this recap:  1.  Mirri Maz Durr.

Cumulative deaths: 35.  35 characters died in a single book.  Wow!  This is probably the tames of the 5 so I can only imagine how big this number will get.

Maybe deaths in this recap:  0

Cumulative maybe deaths:  1

Betrayals in this recap: 1. Jon nearly violates his oath

Cumulative betrayals: 10

Incest incidents: 0 

Cumulative incests: 6

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