I’ve Made a Huge Mistake

Book I am reading:  AGOT

Chapters:  Daenerys VI, Eddard XIII

Booze in my flagon:  Pinot Grigio

 

Daenerys VI

  Dany is eating a horse heart because it will make her fetus strong, according to the Dothraki.  The Dothraki are way too horse obsessed.  They’re like those junior high girls who talk about and read about horses all the time and eventually they start to actually look like a horse.  There was a girl at my school who published a poem in our school’s lit newsletter entitled.  This Horse!  Twenty years later it still cracks my shit up.  I don’t think she went so far as actually eating a horse heart though.  That’s a whole other level of inappropriate.

  Anyway, she finishes the heart and it impresses everybody.  One of the old crones proclaims her fetus to be a boy who will grow up to be the “Stallion who mounts the world.”  Spoiler alert:  Her predictions are about as accurate as Sylvia Browne’s.  Too soon?  Dany names her son Rhaego after her dead brother Rhaegar.  Everybody chants “Rhaego, Rhaego, Rhaego!” and they marched to the lake where Dany and Drogo proceed to have sex in front of anybody.  I’m sort of surprised they cut that last part out of the show.

  Later, they are having a big feast.  Viserys is absent.  Jorah tells her he has gone to find wine at the western market.  Jorah informs Dany that Viserys had tried to steal the dragon eggs to sell them, but Jorah stopped him.  For some reason she says that she would’ve just given him the eggs because he is her brother and true king.  Not sure I’m buying that.  Jorah gently tries to explain that she the Dothraki now and doesn’t need his lame ass.  Especially since the stallion who mounts the world is the subject of a prophecy.  He will unite all the Dothraki in one Khalasar and all the people in the world will be his herd.

  Since all discussions of prophecy in ASOIAF get interrupted before the characters can finish their exposition, Viserys chooses this moment to come stumbling drunk into the hall.  He is mad that people started eating without him and calls Dany a whore.  This will end well.  Jorah tries to shut him the hell up, but fails and the other men start laughing at poor delusional Viserys.

  Then Khal Drogo tells Viserys he doesn’t get to sit with the rest of them at the popular table and has to go sit with the old men and the other people deemed useless.  They’re in the corner.  Seriously.  The politics of dinner at a Dothraki feast is the same as the politics of a high school movie cafeteria.

  Then things get realer than high school movies (Heathers excepted) when Viserys draws a sword.  You may recall that drawing a sword is a big taboo in Vaes Dothrak.  Viserys takes Dany hostage with the sword in hopes of getting Drogo to take his Khalasar to Westeros and get to the invading.  Oh Viserys.  We all wish that would happen, but you are going about so very wrongly.

  Drogo assures Viserys he will have a golden crown that men shall tremble to behold.  Viserys is pleased with this.  Poor stupid Viserys.  Drogo’s bloodriders seize Viserys.  Drogo melts a bunch of gold.  He pours it onto Viserys head.  Killing him but giving him a golden crown.

 

Eddard XIII

  Robert, having finally returned from the hunt summons Ned in the middle of the night.  As he approaches the royal apartments bad vibes abound.  Turns out the boar Robert was hunting gored him from groin to nipple. Ouch!  The wound is apparently necrotizing or something because the whole room stinks of death.

  Rober wants to talk to Ned and he makes Cersei leave the room.  Clearly this pisses her off and scares her. Now I’m going to publish and continue the rest in a second post because everything froze and I can no longer type in the editor without wanting to off myself!

 

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